Oval Office Confrontation

Kazem: Let’s stop the games. The Islamic Republic demands a total exit of US forces from our borders. Lift the sanctions, unfreeze every cent of our sovereign funds, and pull your carriers out of the Strait. My people are tired of this economic terrorism. We’re done talking.

Trump: Look, Kazem—can I call you Kazem? That’s a lot of "demands" for a guy whose economy is in the toilet. You’ve got nothing. We’re staying exactly where we are because we like the view. You want us to leave? Make us. But spoiler alert: you can't. Get used to it.

Kazem: You think your distance makes you safe? Maybe we should bring the "view" to your shores. Perhaps an invasion would teach the American public the cost of your arrogance.

Trump:  An invasion? With what? You’ve got those little speedboats that look like toys. We have three carrier strike groups sitting right off your coast. If you even look at us the wrong way, Iran becomes the world’s largest parking lot. We’ll turn the lights out and they’re never coming back on. Do you understand that?

Kazem: You are a child playing with matches. We have already proven your bases in Saudi and Qatar are within our reach. You are not untouchable. If the blockade remains, the Strait stays closed—to everyone. If our children starve, the global economy starves with us. That is not a suggestion, Mr. President. That is an ultimatum.

Trump: The world is doing great without your oil. And by the way, your friends in Pakistan are tired of carrying your water. You want your "frozen funds"? Fine. Write me a check for $18 billion to cover the damages you've caused our allies, and maybe I’ll give you a discount on the interest.

Kazem: You will get zero. You assassinate our generals, you pirate our ships, and then you ask for a tip? Our response won’t come through a mediator in Islamabad next time. It will be felt in the streets of Washington. It will be felt in every neighborhood where your Marines sleep.

Trump: Is that a threat? I love threats. Threats are easy. They give me an excuse to do what I want to do anyway. I’m giving you 24 hours to open that Strait. If those tankers aren't moving, the ceasefire is dead and "Epic Fury 2" begins. Tick-tock, Kazem.

Kazem: Tick-tock my ass. You think you are the first bully we have faced? We have survived forty years of your "pressure." The Islamic Republic does not kneel to a man who treats international law like a real estate contract. If you want the Strait open, get out of our waters.

Trump: Well, that’s a very "tough guy" speech. Too bad it’s gonna end poorly for you. Real shame!